I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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