His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize