why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Randomize
