no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Randomize
