I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Randomize
