just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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