i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
