sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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