Porn is love you can see.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
