I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
