Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
