he shaved USA in his pubs
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
