he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Randomize
