Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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