did you get engaged???
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
