my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
