What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
