remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
