Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
We are two peas in an std pod
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
