enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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