her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
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