People with herpes should wear stickers.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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