Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
