Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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