I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
