and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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