Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
