i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
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