She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
