Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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