i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
