There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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