absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
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