he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
