Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
