You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
