Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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