I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
