So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I woke up under a house in Key West
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