um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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