so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
