my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
he was CRYING into my vagina
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
