You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
