Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
