I love black thongs
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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