Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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