I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
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