Don't you send me to vm
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
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