I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize