I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Randomize
