D3 body, D1 cock
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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