I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Randomize
