I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
