I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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