i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
