It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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