Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
We talked him into tasing himself.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
the night ended with taco bell and tears
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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