I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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