I accidentally had phone sex last night
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
