can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Randomize