apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
