You were right. It hurts to walk today.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Houston, we have a blender
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
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