Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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