I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
