john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
