it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
