Pappa wants mamma naked
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Randomize
