Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
