You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
