he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
