I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
