More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
