her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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