we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Dicks are not precious.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
