Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
