Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
whose ass print is on the piano?
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
This is my gift to your gina
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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