Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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