Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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