I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
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