Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Randomize
