Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Randomize
