Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
