I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
