Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Randomize
