im holly from the hills drunk
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
