The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
