What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
This baby is an asshole
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
