He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
