Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I will be naked everywhere
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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