I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize