Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
