My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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