have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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