Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
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