First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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