I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Randomize
