I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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