Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Randomize
