You made me cry and you don't even care
Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
