Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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