Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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