checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Randomize
