dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize