No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
