so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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