You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
