god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
We just shotgunned beers for America
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
