I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
