Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
You may now shotgun with the bride
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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