just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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