She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
