He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
