Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
