I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
my poor anus
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
