I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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