Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
