Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
